


Why The Dead Robin's Club Would Never Work Out (except i guess it might??)

by AlmondRose



Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Gen, there's a breif mention of jayroy but not enough to warrant a tag, this was really fun to write tbh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-22
Updated: 2017-04-22
Packaged: 2018-10-22 10:07:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,410
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10694799
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlmondRose/pseuds/AlmondRose
Summary: ......by Stephanie Brownaka Jason has a realization at the docks, Damian eats Eggos, and Steph's a nail polish ninja





	Why The Dead Robin's Club Would Never Work Out (except i guess it might??)

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into 中文 available: [為什麼死亡羅賓小分隊從不合作（或者我猜其實有??）](https://archiveofourown.org/works/11074239) by [solubility](https://archiveofourown.org/users/solubility/pseuds/solubility)



> this is a little different from my usual style of fic, but it was fun to do!

Okay okay okay so. It all started when Bruce made me team up with Jason. Which, for the record, sounds like a good idea since I’m, like, an even numbered Robin who died on the job and hey! so is Jason, but ANYWAY Jason and I teaming up always sounds like a good idea but it never is and that’s because I’m clearly the sanest person in this whole damn family and Jason is the most insane, but I guess Bruce has never thought a single thing through in his entire life, so here we were. 

 

So Jason and I met at the docks--which if you know a single thing about Gotham you know that the docks is always where Shit Goes Down, so I had like, double the stocks of gooperangs and I prayed that I wasn’t high on the list of people Jason hates. Either way, we met at the docks because supposedly Riddler was poisoning the water supply, but Jason, Mister Red Hood himself, said that there was a drug shipment coming in for some mob bosses (AND HOW DID HE KNOW THAT, HMMMMMM), but when I was halfway to the docks Babs said that Ivy, ol’ P.I. herself, was gonna intercept some rare plants being sent to the greenhouses or something naturey like that, and I was like “great! the more the merrier!” but really I was just praying that everyone else was somehow wrong and that there’d be nothing there at all, so I could go home and paint my nails (I just got a new color that’s really glittery and I’ve been DYING to try it out) and take a nice, warm, bath. But alas, it was never to be. 

 

Me and Hood met up and exchanged some casual banter, and it was like, “so far so good” but then the drug guy showed up and Hood pulled out a gun and it was like “EXCUSE ME WHEN’S THE LAST TIME YOU’VE READ THE BAT-HANDBOOK BECAUSE I’M PRETTY SURE IT SAYS ‘NO GUNS’ ON PAGES TWO, TWELVE, AND TWENTY SEVEN AND IS MENTIONED FOURTEEN TIMES IN CLAUSE 1.4” but before I could say anything the OTHER drug guy came, and ding-dong guess who? My tied-for-first-place least favorite person in the world, Black Mask. 

 

I was half tempted to steal Jason’s gun, no matter what clause 1.4 said, but I didn’t because I’m a better person than that. 

 

Instead I dropped out of the shadows, full Bat-style, and kicked him in the face. I’ll admit, it was pretty satisfying. Then I elbowed Drug Guy Number 2, also in the face because my aim is impeccable, no matter what Timberly tells you, and proceeded to lay down a major butt-kicking. I was aware of Mouth Helmet over there yelling at me, but I ignored him in favor of being a superhero and, you know, doing my job. 

 

When I finished laying down the hurt, I turned to see Red Head punching Riddler in the face, and huh. Maybe he needed help?

 

So I went over but I tripped over a plant instead, and Ivy WAS there, turned out, except she’s hard to fight, or harder, so the fight ended up with me minus seven gooperangs and I had to push her into the harbor. She yelled and shaked her fist but I didn’t really care, just ziptied her to a post once she got out of the water. 

 

Then I turned around and Jason was glaring at me, even though he was wearing his helmet still. I could feel the glare. A lot of people glare at me so I’m definitely an expert by now. 

 

“What? Do I have something in my hair?” I asked, and he crossed his arms.

 

“You idiot,” he hissed, and honestly, rude? I totally saved our asses from three criminals and he punched a dudebro who my stupid dad modeled his gig after? Wait….if Cluemaster is a Riddler wannabe and Spoiler is based off of a desire to foil Cluemaster, then wouldn’t Riddler have directly affected my crime-fighting career? Does this make him my arch-nemesis? Maybe I should have punched Edwardo instead of Helmet Head, huh. 

 

I was halfway through my musings when I realized Jason was yelling at me because he had a plan or something and I’d ignored it, which, wow, maybe if I had known I wouldn’t have done anything?????? Nobody tells me anything, though, so it’s not like this is NEW or anything. 

 

“Well, why couldn’t you just stay put for four seconds?” Jason yelled, very much in my face even though I’d JUST told him that I can’t follow the plan if I don’t know it. Anyway, I was pissed so I screamed right back at him. 

 

“Would YOU stay put if you saw the Joker unexpectedly?” I yelled, poking the oxymoron of a bat on his chest. He stepped back.

 

“What?” he asked. 

 

“Would you?” I asked, crossing my arms. 

 

“No,” he said. “Of course not.”

 

“Exactamente, hypocrite,” I said, and I could see the realization in his eyes. Yes, even through the white lenses of his hood--except it’s a helmet? Shouldn’t he be called Red Helmet?

 

“Wait...Black Mask was the dude who did the deed?”

 

“Yeah, my dude,” I said. I’m aware Bruce doesn’t tell anyone anything ever so I wasn’t that surprised that Jason didn’t know. 

 

“Oh,” he said, and I rolled my eyes. “Sorry.”

 

“Whatever,” I said. “This is exactly what I told B would happen, and he’s never listened to me a day in his life, so whatever.”

 

“Hard same,” Jason said, and we fist bumped and parted ways. I guess maybe Jason isn’t that bad after all?? But then I saw him, like, making out with Arsenal, so maybe he IS that bad, because in clause 85 of the bat-handbook says you aren’t allowed to date Arrows so??? what a rebel. 

 

(then I went home and finally got that bath which was really nice and I used my new bath-bomb and I spent like, at least an hour in there and wow I love baths also the bath-bomb made the water purple so like?? win/win? 

 

Anyway I left the bath and put on my fluffiest bathrobe and tried to decide if I wanted to paint my nails then or in the morning and I decided that Eggos were the priority and I walked out of the bathroom and screamed because Damian was sitting on my countertop. He was perched up there like a frikin bird or something, which ha ha I get it (also being Robin makes you physically unable to do anything normally--I know this because I’ve been Robin and you may remember that I was actually DEBATING whether or not I should do my nails at 2 am or not) but I was surprised and also sleep deprived. Also the weirdest part was that he was wearing like, normal clothes, which has maybe never happened ever at 2 am when it comes to Robin (I know this because I, too, slept in my Robin suit in the old days). Anyway once I got over the shock I sighed and said “Hey, Badger, want some Eggos?”

 

“I suppose,” he sniffed, which basically meant that he’d come here in the first place for my toaster waffles. I got out the toaster and he hopped off of the counter and left, which either meant he had to go to the bat-room, or he went to go burn something down, or he was trying to steal a gooperang, or he maybe was just making himself a blanket nest (another Robin thing). 

 

I went back to my living room and found him curled up in a million blankets (probably all of mine) and he’d found some reruns of Doctor Who (like the really old episodes with Tom Baker) and I shrugged because Doctor Who’s a nice show, and got in the nest with him. I balanced the waffles on my knees and we ate them, then I remembered my nail polish and if I was gonna be awake anyway I might as well be doing something productive, so I went and got it and painted my nails, then Damian’s when he wasn’t looking, although he probably knew because he’s a freaky ninja, and he just let me paint his nails pastel pink and glittery, even though it’s probably ruin his Aesthetic, and honestly?? same.) 

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading! hope you enjoyed and comments/kudos are always welcome!


End file.
